A lot of this book rings true to my own personal experiences in school - girls fight through their relationships. I've been on the receiving end and/or participated in so many of the examples of "alternative aggression" in this book - starting "I hate X" clubs, fighting by silence, not telling someone you're mad so you can't "lose," joking about what you want to say, building alliances, and frowning upon the girls who thought they were "all that." It does a good job at outlining some of the reasons for this behavior (hint: it's the patriarchy!), and some of the strategies to get yourself or your child out of these situations.

I hope that this type of bullying is a relic of when the book was published 20 years ago, and that these things aren't as prevalent today. On the other hand, I do think the book is overblowing some of the effects here. I've been on the receiving end of a ton of these tactics, and while there are exceptions, most of this stuff just isn't as traumatic as the book makes out. While it felt like the end of the world for a time, I and most people I knew grew out of it without any lasting damage. (Or maybe I'm even more damaged than I realized...!) But hopefully I can take the advice in this book to make sure my kids aren't bullies/victims in this way.